We all know the story; boy meets girl, girl falls for boy, boy is a jerk, girl falls for boy.
Let’s face it; at some stage in our relationship history, we’ve fallen for the “bad boy”. He’s the guy that doesn’t treat you like a princess; the guy that keeps you guessing, that takes you for granted, that lacks empathy and that makes you question your self-worth. He’s the guy that definitely isn’t “the one”, and that definitely DOESN’T fill your criteria of Eric from The Little Mermaid, but somehow forges his way into your life and thoughts like an addictive drug.
There are many reasons why women (and men for that matter) fall for people that don’t necessarily complement their lives. These reasons can include anything from heightened chemistry and sexual attraction to insecurity, a lack of experience and/or strength or the simple scientific principle of wanting what you can’t have.
Now we’re going to give you some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is (and this will be music to your ears in a few years), if you’re reading this now and you’re with a bad boy, he is most likely, not going to change for the good and at one stage or another you’ll both go your separate ways. Right now you may feel as though your relationship is a rollercoaster of emotions. You may find yourself taking your friends’ advice, cutting contact with your bad boy, only to return to the same position a week later because you are convinced you’ll never find a man that makes you feel the same way. Ultimately, the bad news is, you are currently stuck in a world of lust addiction.
The GOOD news is, that heightened rush of sexual attraction and the pleasure you encounter every time you see your bad boy or “go back” is a little something called chemistry and eventually, it will wear off and you will be able to remove your rose-tinted glasses and see your “bad boy” for who he really is ... a jerk that is NOT FOR YOU.
Dopamine (also known as the pleasure chemical) is a hormone released every time we take a risk or do something we may classify as sinful. It gives us a rush and once we experience it, it isn’t long before we want more. Now you understand why they call love a drug. This same intangible quality is what encourages you to keep going back to your bad boy.
So how do you break the cycle?
Unfortunately, it most likely won’t happen overnight. Several factors such as knowing your self-worth, having confidence in yourself and establishing your core values over time will ultimately determine who you end up with and what type of behaviour you accept. Are you familiar with the saying, “we accept the love we think we deserve”?
Spark-flying chemistry at the start of a relationship isn’t necessarily a good thing. Some of the best relationships have developed from friendship, with chemistry developing only later down the track when both partners have fundamentally gotten to know one another. Ever wondered why there are so many 6-12 month relationships? It’s within this period of time that chemistry either wears off or is ignited and those in a relationship establish whether or not they are compatible.
Our biggest piece of advice would be to use your bad boy as a learning experience. Work on yourself and allow everything else to flow organically. Besides, sometimes it’s actually worthwhile meeting a bad boy... it makes you appreciate your Eric ;) (Don’t roll your eyes; he WILL sweep you off your feet).
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